Former Homosexual Shares His Story

by / on July 20, 2015 at 6:11 am /
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former_homosexualsWASHINGTON, D.C.—Christopher Doyle, a licensed professional counselor and director of the International Healing Foundation (www.ComingOutLoved.com) exudes confidence when telling those with unwanted same-sex attractions and gender identity confusion that real change is possible.

His own story of leaving the homosexual lifestyle has been well documented.

Over the coming months, he’s aiming to help others who are struggling with the same issues he once did through the upcoming Breakthrough Men’s Healing Weekend in the greater Washington, D.C., area., fromJuly 31-August 2, as well as Healing Weekends for mothers (September 18-20) and fathers (November 6-8) of LGBT-identified children.

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Doyle, who offers sexual identity affirming therapy, not only has professional experience in his field, but his expertise also comes from his own struggles with unwanted same-sex attractions and his personal journey of healing and change.

“I struggled with the homosexual lifestyle for years when I looked to homosexuality to satisfy other needs in my life,” said Doyle, who is now happily married with five children. “I know—and my life is evidence—that there are solutions to issues of unwanted same-sex attractions and sexual identity conflicts. Over the past 25 years, IHF has helped thousands of individuals and families with these solutions, and I have personally worked with hundreds through our sexual identity affirming therapies.”

Doyle also shared about his own same-sex attractions in the new book, “Then & Now.”

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“At its most challenging point, I felt compelled to have sex with men, not because I wanted to be in a gay relationship, but because I felt inferior and unaccepted,” he shared in “Then & Now.” “Having gay sex increased my self-esteem temporarily, but left me feeling depressed afterward, because what I really wanted was to feel accepted and loved by men non-sexually.”

“Then & Now: How My Sexual Attractions Have Changed—50 Brief Summaries of Successful Sexual Orientation Change Efforts” is compiled by Rich Wyler, founder and executive director of People Can Change, a non-profit educational, support and outreach organization.

Doyle went on to say in the book that his motivation to begin his journey of change was spurred by his feelings that homosexuality “conflicted with my faith and the belief that I was not born gay.” Today, his same-sex attractions are non-existent, achieved through professional counseling to heal sexual abuse, 12-step support groups, help and support from loving friends, and forming healthy, non-sexual relationships with heterosexual men.

“When I finally experienced non-sexual love and acceptance from men as a young adult, my need to have gay sex grew less and less desirable and the attractions diminished over time,” Doyle added. “We all have the ability to make choices in our lives, and people deserve the choice to live the life that fills their hearts with love. Every aspect of my life has improved as a result of change.”

In his counseling of others, Doyle has found that unwanted same-sex attractions and gender identity confusion often stem from family relationships that have failed to satisfy the emotional needs of the individual who is struggling, and that a big part of healing comes when love is set in order and underlying issues are resolved. To assist in that process, IHF offers several Healing Weekends for every member of the family. For more information on Healing Weekends, visit www.comingoutloved.com/healing-weekends.

“We see so many similarities in the dynamics for these families,” Doyle said of the counseling process. “When parents can share their common experiences and process their conflicts with others going through the same situation, amazing things happen! Families learn new ways of relating, connecting and sharing in a powerful way.”

The Breakthrough Men’s Healing Weekend at the end of this month will welcome men with unwanted same-sex attractions who want to break through unhealthy relational patterns, connect with men on a deeper level and move to a new place of healing in their journey. More information on all of the Healing Weekends can be found at www.comingoutloved.com/healing-weekends.

Doyle, a leader in the #TherapyEquality campaign of Equality And Justice For All (www.EqualityAndJusticeForAll.org), has been actively involved in fighting proposed bans on sexual identity affirming therapy in several states. Over the past several months, Washington, Colorado, Virginia and Nevada rejected bills that would ban talk therapy for minors in an effort to protect the rights of minors and sexually abused and sexually confused youth who seek voluntarily therapy for their unwanted same-sex attractions. These states joined at least 10 others in 2015—as well as an additional 15 states in 2014—that have either voted down or failed to advance this harmful legislation.

More than 50,000 licensed medical and mental health professionals support the rights of youth to receive such therapies, including the American Association of Christian Counselors, the Alliance for Therapeutic Choice and Scientific Integrity, the Catholic Medical Association and the American College of Pediatricians.

For more information about the International Healing Foundation, visit its web site, www.comingoutloved.com, its Facebook page or email [email protected]. For more information on Equality And Justice For All, visit www.EqualityAndJusticeForAll.org.

Equality And Justice For All will co-host the Safe Exit Summit on Oct. 2-3 in Washington, D.C. with Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX). The event will focus on equipping churches to become safe exits for individuals seeking to resolve unwanted homosexual attractions.

This article is printed with the permission of the author(s). Opinions expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the article’s author(s), or of the person(s) or organization(s) quoted therein, and do not necessarily represent those of American Clarion or Dakota Voice LLC.

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  • DCM7

    One of the biggest, most commonly accepted lies out there is that former homosexuals literally don’t exist. The evidence. of course, is very clear that they do indeed exist, and that they’re not even particularly rare. But people don’t want to know things like this that challenge their comfortable little worldview.

    • Thisoldspouse

      Activist homosexuals base their entire philosophy on predetermination, that we are “hardwired” a certain way and that nothing can change that. In other words, we are mere animals with no will of our own. Of course, they disingenuously apply this selectively, but that is their argument in their favor.

      What a dismal view of humanity, which is separated from animals by our ability to reason and will. The will is what makes us human, made in the image of God, but homosexuals repudiate this. That tells us all we need to know about that world view.

      • DCM7

        I continue to be amazed by the sheer, blatant dishonesty that the whole “pro-gay” position depends on.

        For example, “gay marriage” has been sold largely based on the myth that “gay” couples function essentially the same way as normal ones. And yet some homosexuals have been honest enough to point out the utter falseness of trying to fit “gays” into any mold resembling a traditional, monogamous married couple. And they’re absolutely right. The restraint of monogamy is at complete and total odds with the utopian fantasy of boundary-free sexuality that homosexuality represents.

        Another example: Yahoo News is big on featuring pro-gay and anti-Christian stories, usually from HuffPo, high up on their front page. These stories are, of course, consistently fallacious in the extreme, but I saw something particularly outstanding recently. There was an opinion piece by a relatively honest “gay” apologist about how “pro-gays” shouldn’t try to convince “anti-gay” Christians that homosexuality isn’t really condemned by the Bible, because that would mean pretending that they place any validity on the Bible themselves. Just weeks later, ON THE SAME NEWS PAGE, was an article about how the Bible supposedly doesn’t actually condemn homosexuality!

        Was there ever a more blatant example of people trying to use arguments that even they know are false?

      • franklinb23

        TOS writes: “Activist homosexuals base their entire philosophy on predetermination”

        Ah, but determinism is the foundation of Protestant theology, particularly Calvinism. Read Luther’s “Bondage of the Will” in which he writes: “omnipotence and foreknowledge of God, I repeat, utterly destroy the doctrine of ‘free-will'”

        To paraphrase: God is all-powerful and sovereign by definition. Thus, all that exists IS because He has decreed it be so, including the nature of men. Men can choose to act, but they act at the behest of their own natures (which again, God decreed in the first place). Any choice one makes was one in which there was never really any other option.

        If you can see anywhere in this theology where man chooses who or what he is, you’re smarter than most.

        • DCM7

          I think a lot of us would not go along with that particular theology (myself included).

        • http://www.americanclarion.com/ Bob Ellis

          God knows what will happened and what people will do, but that does not change the fact that they have the free will to do it.

          choose this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. - Joshua 24:15

          But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - John 1:12

          whoever believes in him may have eternal life - John 3:15

          Claiming we are slaves to our impulses is a lie and a cop-out.

        • Thisoldspouse

          You won’t find me, or most Evangelicals, defending the Calvinist position on this issue. At all.

        • AJ

          This is why the sin nature leads to death…… The Bible speaks of man’s complete corruption & depravity in a spiritual sense. We are all made in Gods image but we are fallen, broken & tainted by sin….. That’s why we want and desire that which is not pleasing to God nor truly good for ourselves. Do you believe in sin? How bout evil? Why? Who tells you what is bad and what is good? And where does that knowledge come from?

          • franklinb23

            “Do you believe in sin? How bout evil?”

            I think that evil is a useful descriptive word for a certain metaphysical reality that can be found not just “out there” but within every one of us in varying degrees.

            I don’t think it is just a matter of doing or not doing certain things. One can live an outwardly decent life yet be quite evil: just because there is a lack of opportunity doesn’t mean the desire to do harm isn’t there, after all.

            Yes, some of these notions of good and evil are informed by religion, but it’s also innate, and these sources sometimes conflict. For some of us, our natural sense of empathy makes some of religion’s demands seem downright unethical. The story of Abraham and Isaac seems particularly vile to me, for example: to be willing to inflict death and pain upon one’s own innocent offspring merely to appease the will of God and save your own skin seems blind and evil. But that’s just me …

            • AJ Castellitto

              You just described what happened to Jesus to some degree….. Mysterious paradox. Whenever a skeptic finds something objectionable about Christianity I take it back to the cross….. He was either liar, lunatic or……Lord . - CS

            • DCM7

              “The story of Abraham and Isaac seems particularly vile to me, for example: to be willing to inflict death and pain upon one’s own innocent offspring merely to appease the will of God and save your own skin seems blind and evil”

              That story is one of those things that too many people stumble over without really getting what it was all about. It wasn’t about Abraham “being willing to inflict death and pain upon one’s own innocent offspring merely… to save [his] own skin.” It was about God testing Abraham to see if he would give up that which was the most valuable to him if God asked him to. It was also a foreshadowing of God giving up his own Son for us.

        • AJ

          I actually like the idea of infusing conversion therapy with a shot of Calvinism, especially the totally depravity part…..
          Be not perplexed or distraught that you have unGodly desires, just know they are unGodly…… We are responsible for all that we do and the hidden will of God has nothing to do with this issue…. We have God’s revealed word, His natural design and the proper standard….. cant take any of that away….. if a person is not successfully converted that does not mean they were any less created in the image of God and are to uphold themselves as one of God’s creations by resting in Jesus for all things…. There is no shame in remaining celibate, faithful, and a little broken…… the trade-off is worth it!

    • franklinb23

      Depends what you mean by “former”.

      Anyone can choose their behavior (with varying degrees of difficulty). The question is whether sexual orientation itself is fluid for some or all people.

      Is it fluid for you? Do you see yourself conceivably being attracted to someone of the same sex? If not, then why should it be different for most folks who are same-sex attracted?

      Alan Chambers of Exodus has acknowledged that, although he’s married to a woman, he remains predominantly same-sex attracted and that most of Exodus’ members never really changed their orientation.

      Reports of “successes” need to be followed for more than a short duration. John Paulk was on the cover of Newsweek as an “ex gay” and worked for Focus on the Family. He is now, years later, living as an openly gay man.

      • http://www.americanclarion.com/ Bob Ellis

        Behavior is always fluid for all human beings. That’s part of what separates us from animals; we have a conscience, self-awareness, and free will.

        I’m a former drunk. I could have chosen to tell myself, “I was born to be a drunk. It’s who I am. I can’t change.” Instead, I chose to stop behaving that way, and haven’t had a drink in some 23 years-haven’t wanted one for almost that long. Some people have gone even longer without a drink, yet still want one (most of the time, I never want a smoke either, after having quit 21 years ago, though sometimes when I’m tired or after a good meal, one would sure be good!). I could go back to drinking tomorrow after 23 years, and that wouldn’t indicate in the slightest that I was born a drunk, or that I was not able to modify my behavior (I’ve done it for 23 years). And I could go on a binge, then go sober for another 23 years.

        Regardless of the desire, the fact remains that we can choose our behavior.

        We aren’t morally accountable for what tempts us, but we are morally accountable to what temptations we give in to.

        Claiming you’re born a life-long slave to an immoral behavior is a cop-out, morally and intellectually lazy.

        • Rick

          We can choose to abstain from alcohol, we can choose to abstain from having sex with other gay men, but we can’t choose to be sexually attracted to women when we are not, but THAT is what the “ex-gay” crowd wants the world to believe.

          • http://www.americanclarion.com/ Bob Ellis

            Many former homosexual men are no longer attracted to men and are attracted to women. Even those who continue to experience an aberrant attraction to men can choose not to give in to that impulse, just as someone attracted to alcohol can choose not to indulge in it, someone attracted to drugs can choose not to indulge in it, someone attracted to gambling can choose not to give in to that impulse, and someone who desires to shoplift can choose not to give in to that impulse.

            The contention that homosexuals cannot choose to deny their aberrant impulse is the lie that homosexual activists and their useful idiots want the world to believe. It’s pure, 100%, unadulterated bunk.

            • franklinb23

              I suppose that could be true. When I grew up, I loved country music and listened to Kenny Rogers and Barbara Mandrell and all those other old country stars.

              Today, the stuff makes me want to jump out a window.

              So one’s sense of aesthetics can change, I guess.

          • DCM7

            What you’re missing, and what a lot of people miss, is that a man’s normal attraction to women — specifically, to *one* woman — is not going to be on the same level as the lustful, addictive attraction to men that homosexuality involves. It’s not even going to be on the same level as the lustful, addictive attraction to *women* that supposedly “normal” men experience (such as that which I had to recover from in order to live a mentally and spiritually healthy life).

            That normal attraction to *one* woman is what men, even formerly “gay” ones, commonly discover after getting distorted sexuality out of the way.

            • Rick

              “It’s not even going to be on the same level as the lustful, addictive attraction to *women* that supposedly ‘normal’ men experience.” You got that right, except for the “supposedly.” A woman who marries an “ex-gay” male will never half to worry about her “man” turning his head as even the prettiest lady walks by.

              • DCM7

                No, the “supposedly” is correct. I’m using “normal” in the sense of “as it is meant to be,” rather than in the sense of “as it usually is.” I’d consider “average” a better word for the latter concept.

                The wife of a truly faithful man (as rare as that unfortunately has become) doesn’t have to worry about him turning his head as the “prettiest” lady walks by. And if he’s successfully recovered from same-sex attraction, she won’t have to worry about him turning his head for men either.

              • Rick

                Except in an age in which ministers, pastors, reverends, priests, and rabbis are routinely exposed for having committed sins of the flesh, there is something “off” in the notion of how things are “meant to be.”

              • DCM7

                “There is something ‘off’ in the notion of how things are ‘meant to be.'”

                No, there’s only something “off” in how well many men — including some who should know better — are managing to live according to how things are meant to be.

                The usual tendency, whenever an apparently “godly” man is “exposed for having committed sins of the flesh,” is for the “secular” to pretend this proves that *no* man is really living a basically godly life. That, quite frankly, is hogwash.

              • Rick

                If we could only be as fortunate as one of God’s holy men, King Solomon, in having countless wives and concubines.

              • DCM7

                You seem to have missed the fact that his having all those wives and concubines both went against and led him away from the godliness he’d originally lived in. Not to mention that his individual actions, like those of the ministers (etc.) mentioned above, don’t prove anything about anyone else.

                At any rate, your responses have reached the point where it’s clear that you can’t respond with anything meaningful to the points being made.

          • Thisoldspouse

            For most, when the attraction for men subsides, something must take its place. And the attraction for men DOES subside for a very large portion of these men who WANT to change and submit themselves to God’s transforming power.

            • Rick

              No, it really doesn’t, as the wholesale collapse of “Exodus International” and the public embarassments involving John Paulk, John Smid and most of all, George “I only hired him to lift my luggage” Rekers demonstrates.

              • http://www.americanclarion.com/ Bob Ellis

                I noticed that you’d really rather concentrate on homosexuals who have failed to break free of their aberrant impulses, and ignore Christopher Doyle, John and Donna Lawlor, Flo Hubbs, Chris Delaney, Dennis Jernigan, Ron Citlau, Dean Greer, Darryl Foster, and the countless other homosexuals have left this behavior behind.

                Rather like the drunk who would rather point to all the people who have tried to get off the booze and failed, while ignoring all the people who have stopped drinking and stayed off the sauce. It makes him feel better about being morally and intellectually lazy.

                It’s really sad for your sake that you continually claim to be a slave to your aberrant impulses. We expect as much of animals, since they don’t have a conscience and intelligence, but such slavishness is pitiful in a human being.

                The fact that the recovery rate for former homosexuals is better than that for substance abuses reveals you contention for the lie it is.

                Expect better of yourself and others!

              • Rick

                Thanks, Bob, for bringing this analogy up, because it needs to be discredited. Alcoholics Anonymous does not promise that recovering alcoholics will derive the same pleasure from drinking lemonade or milk as they do from beer and gin. Rather, AA merely promises that by adherence to the program one will develop the self-discipline to resist the temptation of booze. In effect, it is a form of celibacy or chastity.

                The ex-gay movement, by contrast, not only claims that its program will have same-sex desiring men no longer be attracted to males, but at the same time,that they will desire women as strongly as any naturally heterosexual male. That is pure nonsense with ZERO objective data to back that up. Hence, this statement: “the recovery rate for former homosexuals is better than that for substance abuses” is an absolute lie.

                And if you read the testimony of just about any “ex-gay” male, including some of the aforementioned, they invariably state something like “my journey is not complete,” essentially code for “I’m still thinking about men.”

              • http://www.americanclarion.com/ Bob Ellis

                Liar. Efforts to help homosexuals with their unwanted same-sex attraction say that they can be free of same-sex attractions and may see their desire normalize toward women. They make no such promises (at least no reputable one does), and your lie to that effect is nothing but a misdirection from the truth that I have demonstrated repeatedly here that a person can stop behaving aberrantly if they really want to, and frequently the aberrant desire will also go away.

                It’s truly pathetic that you’d rather see homosexuals enslaved to an unhealthy and soul-destroying behavior rather than admit the simple truth that a person can control their own behavior.

              • WXRGina

                Liar-as Bob said. You should be shown your walking papers from this site’s comment section, because we don’t take kindly to lying pushers of the degenerate propaganda of Hell’s army, which is all you have to offer.

              • DCM7

                Overcoming any deep-seated sexual addiction, or abnormal attraction, is going to be difficult. No one’s promising otherwise. You’re trying to equate “not easy” with “impossible,” which is a tired old trick that doesn’t work.

        • Ken Faivor

          I am of the opinion that the only thing that separates us from animals is being born again through Christ. The rest is just vanity and pride. The unregenerate man is liken to a beast, thats all he can be when the chips are down.

          Ecc 3:18 I said in my heart, It is because of the sons of men, that God may prove them, and that they may see that they themselves are but as beasts.
          Ecc 3:19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; and man hath no preeminence above the beasts: for all is vanity.
          Ecc 3:20 All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
          Ecc 3:21 Who knoweth the spirit of man, whether it goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast, whether it goeth downward to the earth?

          Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?

      • DCM7

        “Do you see yourself conceivably being attracted to someone of the same sex? If not, then why should it be different for most folks who are same-sex attracted?”
        That makes the false, but common, assumption that homosexual “orientation” is basically equivant to “heterosexual orientation.” The fact is, a “gay” person getting to the point of attraction to the opposite sex is not comparable to the (inevitably hypothetical) idea of a normal person becoming attracted to the same sex. That’s because heterosexual is ALWAYS the natural default setting, and homosexual NEVER is. A person going from “gay” to straight is not “changing” or “reversing” an “orientation.” Rather, they have had a huge abnormality removed that was obscuring the basically normal sexuality buried underneath it.

        “he remains predominantly same-sex attracted”
        Such a deep-seated, lifelong issue is not likely to be easily overcome, no matter who is involved. That some find it especially difficult should surprise no one.

        “Reports of ‘successes’ need to be followed for more than a short duration.”
        There is no need to put quotes around “successes” here. Such successes are real, and it is not rare at all for them to be “followed for more than a short duration.” You’re still buying the lie that these successes are not real, frequent or permanent. You’re also still buying the lie that the failure of a person here or there proves that there are no real successes.

        • Thisoldspouse

          Great clarification of a muddied issue. Yes, homosexuality is a defective sexuality. Fix the defect, and you get normal sexuality, that with the opposite sex.

          • Rick

            You get a guy fantasizing about making out with the UCLA men’s swim team while telling his wife he’s really into her.

  • DCM7

    “when one of the leading figures in the ex-gay movement, Alan Medinger, publicly admitted that such is not the case”
    Except that the experiences of others are not limited by his experience or assessment. And for many of those others, the correction of attractions very much *is* the case.

    “that doesn’t mean in either case they still don’t want to”
    There will always be some whose ability to stop actually *missing* a past, habitual (or addictive) sin will be less than it should be. But there have always been many more who truly do stop “wanting.”

    Keep in mind that I speak as one who has managed, by the grace of the One who is greater than myself, to stop “missing” my own former life-dominating sin (not homosexuality, but approximately as tough to overcome). I believe Bob can say roughly the same for himself as well.

  • AJ

    Let’s not forget how many gays were sexually abused or prematurely exposed to sex-hypersexualized / conditioned to irregular/abnormal sexual mores….. So these propensities can and are learned or a product of unhealthy exposures and abuses…… Are there some who just plain go that way? Maybe, but its a disorder that goes against our natrual design, just like other carnal fetishes, perversions and counter-design propensities…… So spiritually, its a road to suicide while naturally it is a tendency that can never truly fullfill nor one that is good for children in any sense…….

  • AJ Castellitto

    ‘Gays’ may go that way , but there’s no evidence that they are born that way! http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/11/20/the-problematic-hunt-for-a-gay-gene.html

  • AJ Castellitto